Are we finally going to get the Friday the 13th we deserve?

friday-the-13th-the-film-we-want-to-see

With the news that no official Friday the 13th film is slated to hit theaters anytime soon, fans can only speculate at what may have come had the franchise again got the attention that die-hard enthusiasts know it deserves.

Unfortunately, rumors persisted ever since it got the green light that fans were facing yet another retread of the same tropes that have grown predictable over the course of the series’ run.

As fans, we know when backed into a corner we’ll take anything we can get, BUT the question is, “what is the new Friday the 13th film we deserve?”

Grab the nearest machete, don the closest hockey mask and wear your mommy issues on your sleeve as Horrorfix counts down the top 3 Friday the 13th ideas the horror community DESERVES!!!


3. THE ANTI ANTI ANTI HERO

jason-voorhees=trapped-in-chainsSure, we cheer Jason on as he slices and dices his way through cabin after cabin of hapless horny teenagers, but what if we put the man-behind-the-mask against the nation’s most deplorable criminals?

The Setup
The world’s most violent criminals are housed in a top-secret, maximum security prison deep beneath the Nevada desert’s surface. When a notorious crime kingpin gets transferred to the facility his pans for escape turn the entire complex on end, resulting in a riot, the scale of which, could put the lives of every guard, prisoner and faculty member in danger. As the situation spirals out of control, the installation’s biggest secret is revealed; in the darkest, deepest recess of prison lies the most dangerous psychopath the world has ever known. How do you clear a path to freedom? Let Jason Voorhees decimate everything in his path and pray that when the smoke clears, you can fight your way to daylight.

Why It Works?
Friday the 13
th needs to focus on characters to drive the story, characters that are multi-faceted, with different ambitions and end-goals.   Take away the teenagers from the mix and you’re also reaching out to a wider audience as well. Win-Win? We think so! Also, as we all love to root for the way Jason Voorhees inventively kills the fodder that crosses his path, there is some real opportunity here to put some scum-of-the-earth in his way for us to cheer the killing machine on to full gory glory!!!

2. Surprise MuthaFuckas!!!

Friday the 13th historically has always beaten its audience over the head with its premise. It’s Ten Little Indians and rarely does it veer from its formula. What if, however, we didn’t know we were watching a Friday the 13th film?

The Setup
8 people have been selected to participate in the first season of the new reality show “Love is Blind”, a program where 8 people are given false backstories and flown to a remote location to see if love really is about who you truly are inside.


CLUB-DREAD-great-friday-13th-spoofOur contestants wind up at Crystal Spas, a now defunct couples resort in the middle of nowhere where cast and crew start to lose their lives all the way up to the latter third of the film where we learn this has been nothing more than one beaten down man’s attempt to resurrect the one and only Jason Voorhees to avenge the death of his own mother.

Why it Works?
We always know what we’re getting with F13 and although we love it, the only that thing that really might spur that “holy shit” moment is the brutality of the kill. What if we were watching an engrossing murder mystery that turns into an official Friday film in it’s third act? Holy Shit? Yes, sir. We certainly think so.

1. You’ve Got a Little Meta on your TV there…

camp-crystal-lake-tv-seriesSo, there was a new Friday the 13th series rumored to be making its way to the CW but it looks as though the network actually passed on the pilot. With the fate of the serial version of F13 languishing in pilot hell, we thought we’d give it a try…in a world where the films not only exist but are still a HUGE staple of the studios, drawing millions to the real locations they were filmed, ultimately where some will see their untimely demise.

The Setup
Silicon Valley social media tycoon Richard Specs has made his fortune and opened up a movie them park/production mecca in Crystal Lake, New Jersey. His love for horror movies, driving his passion and now his retirement, Richard buys the entire town of Crystal Lake, transforming it into the ultimate vacation spot for horror enthusiasts. He’s went to great pains to provide the “experience of all experiences”  even going so far as to hire stuntman turned lawman, Harold Kane to take up residence as sheriff. The very same Harold Kane who played the titular villain Jason Voorhees in installments 17 & 18 of the expanded fictional film franchise. With a new area of the park about to open where fans can actually camp in the fictional summer camp of the series, its no surprise that the disappearance of the park’s founder and bazillionaire Spec’s disappearance has everyone on the edge…especially when corpses start turning up on park grounds.

Why it Works?

“Crystal Lake” as we are calling the show at this point is a love letter to the fans. Appearances from actual Friday actors playing themselves is a novelty that will always excite the fans. From Cabin in the Woods to the Scream series, smart, self-aware horror sells and one that knows its trivia is a welcome addition!

Like what you see here? Think we’ve cracked the code or are simply just on crack? Give us a shout and let us know what you think!

Written by
Ash Hamilton is not only the owner of Horror-Fix.com, but also one of its major contributors. A long time horror movie enthusiast, Ash has lent his personality to radio and television and continues to support his favorite genre through his writing and art. He also loves beef jerky and puppies... and low-grade street-quality hallucinogens.

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