So we all agree that sparkly Vampires are stupid right? I mean a troop of blood drinking, super creatures reduced to shimmering in the sunlight, sort of lame. Don't get all excited yet, the bashing has only just begun, smooth seductress style vampires creating love toys and packs of feuding vampires ala "the sharks" and "jets" from West Side Story. EVEN FUCKING WORSE.....

"Dear God horror people when did it become OK to bastardize our legends?"

Dear God horror people when did it become OK to bastardize our legends? Poke fun at or with, I understand and even like. The outright ass fucking our Vampire legends have taken in the last 5-10 years is simply out of control. You can try to tell me all you want about how stories need to advance and new aspects need to be looked at.... ok Mario Van Peebles in Jaws 3.... I rest my case. Yes you may be correct that different avenues can be and should be explored. Vampires however are supposed to be linked to a creative story dating back to Vlad Tepes or Vlad the Impaler if you will. He wasn't named the Impaler because he was chasing sexy bitches and "impaling" them with his massive manhood making them willing to be his sex slaves.

Vlad was a cruel, vile, destructive protector of his lands and people. He used odd and barbaric means to instill fear in his enemies not get their panties moist. He was rumored to have ingested the organs and blood of his conquered victims and would place the still living captured on poles. These poles were inserted in the anus and then forced up along the spine and out through the clavicle area. The victim would slowly slide down the pole eventually succumbing to the pain and inability to breath because the diaphragm had been punctured. Sooki on my balls bitch, try that shit on HBO.

Give me a real bloody destructive quest for blood vampire movie any day of the week, "30 days of night" or "From dusk til Dawn". Vampires are lusty yes, but more often for blood than tail. Vampires are supposed to be super creatures, possessing skills no mortal man could have, they are also supposed to be dead. No blood flow, to the peepee, so no sexy beast banging here. Many of the classic Vampire movies have the Object of desire role, but the desire is to "turn" them not turn them over and get slappy on it.  

Interview with a Vampire , Queen of the Damned , or Dracula 2000 if you enjoy the story side, at least the Vampires depicted showed their "Fangs". Please people lets remember where Drac came from a bloody dominating violent force!!!

Tags: Twilight, vampire movies, True Blood

"I know I'm a vampire, Snookie." A little witch-tarded Eric goes a long way in this, the third episode of the new season. Following what I think has been a lackluster season opener, this episode keeps the levity strong and, although it might be one of the more quotable episodes, leaves us with a little too many laughs. After finding the horrible truth behind her fairy heritage, Sookie has returned to Bon Temps a year after her disappearance to find that many of her friends, and even a few of her adversaries, have taken on different roles, and indeed, different lives. Bill, now the King of Louisiana is in full douche mode in this episode and the romance and theme of eternal love that many found endearing about the show is totally gone. In fact, this season seems to be lifted right from a jilted lover's diary as everyone that once was fighting for love is now ready to hate-hump anyone that comes into their path. Don't get me wrong... I LOVES the fang-banging!!!.. BUT... it is the characterizations of the shows main protagonists that sold True Blood to me in the first place. SOO the rundown? In this episode, aptly titled "If you Love Me, Why Am I Dyin?" Coven-fisted Eric stumbles around with half a memory as Sookie tries to piece together what happened. Bill unsurprisingly does some more staking of his own (see what I did there?.. oh yeah), now with one of his business partners. Pam threatens to kill EVERYONE. Lafayette is still gay and leads a one man suicide mission to talk to Pam (well in his defense he was trying to reach Eric... who we know is worlds more forgiving) about what happened to Eric (see last comment about her killing EVERYONE). Tara pulls out a gun and that bar wench who did all the screaming the last few seasons?.. yeah, she belts another siren outta her mouth when the shit goes down.. all the while Jessica is glamoring Hoyt into forgetting that she is a slut. Sam is still getting shot down by everyone not in the mood for a psychotic grudge fuck and slaps that pudgy little Andy Belfour right across the cocsucker in the Merlott's parking lot. Darlene's kid is still trying to decapitate toys to slake his bloodlust. Did I mention manwhore Bill the King is still being a douche? Although the action might have picked up a little, and a few questions are being answered from previous seasons, True Blood might be on a collision course to the land of shark jumping if we don't get back on track soon.

Tags: True Blood